I Absolutely Refuse to Play Their Stupid English Language Games

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by Mark Lewis, Townhall:

I have a serious dilemma, folks, and I don’t know what to do about it.

As many of you know, I now live in Thailand after spending about ten years teaching history and ESL (English as a Second Language) in China.  I still teach online English to some students in China, and herein lies my problem:  I don’t know what to teach them anymore.  What is “English?”

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I was confronted with this problem recently when I used a simple crossword puzzle about “People” to teach a child student.  One of the questions was, “If you are not a woman, you are a _____.”  And the answer had three letters. Since we no longer know what a “woman” is (I thought about calling a biologist and asking, but I don’t know any in Thailand), I was very perplexed about how to answer this question.  The eight-year-old student I taught this exercise responded, “man.”  He thought he knew even if I, the President of the United States, all of American academia, and a Supreme Court justice didn’t know.  This crossword puzzle comes from England, and I have to wonder if the authors of the puzzle are now in jail.  What to do?

Anyway, I finally came up with what I hope is the correct answer:  “cis”!  Is that right?  Who knows anymore?

Pardon my above facetiousness.  However, preposterous Leftists are now making it very complicated to teach the English language to foreign students.  Pronouns are especially difficult.  Even without Leftist stupidity, English pronouns can be challenging to master for foreigners:  “I, me, my,” “he, his, him,” “she, her, hers.”  We used to teach that those are singular forms, applying to individual people.  “You, your, yours” can be either singular or plural and is as confusing to native speakers as it is to foreigners.  But at least we knew the difference between singular and plural pronouns.  Well, we once did.  Now…” they” and “them” can also be “singular,” and all because somebody wants somebody else to use them—uh, those pronouns—to refer to…that person (are “that” and “those” singular or plural?).  So, we must now reform English to appeal to the selfish fancies of a small, favored group of deranged crybabies.  No society in human history, normal or deranged, has ever done that.

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