by Declan Hayes, Strategic Culture:
Wars are really ugly
They’re dirty an’ they’re cold
I don’t want nobody
To shoot me in the fox hole.
So sang Frank Zappa, the father of comedy rock, in his classic I don’t wanna be drafted song, which goes on to exclaim
Roller skates in disco is a lot of fun
I’m too young’n stupid to operate a gun.
Let’s just back up and see what funny man Zappa is saying in his song. He is proclaiming that wars are not only ugly, dirty, brutal affairs but that he is too young and stupid to be a useful soldier. Let’s leave to one side that Zappa was very bright and say that, during America’s Vietnamese turkey shoot, Uncle Sam enlisted hundreds of thousands of McNamara Morons, good, home lovin’ Yankee boys who were little better than imbeciles and who ended up as easy meat for the Vietcong and the North Vietnamese Army because they lacked the necessary skill sets to be effective combatants.
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America’s anti (Vietnam) war movement was, in large part, a cynical move by America’s middle class to dodge the draft, meaning that the Americans had to beef up their numbers by enlisting the half retarded to meet their quotas. After all, Clinton, Bush and Rumsfeld and Cheney had, in Cheney’s words, far more important things going on in their lives than to end up face down in a Vietnamese paddy field.
The Wehrmacht had the same problem with the defence of Berlin, where it was also a matter of all hands on deck, or at least all hands who could not squirm out of it. Their problem was that their deck was shattered and most of their Volkssturrm last saw action in the 1870 Franco Prussian war. Far from helping the faltering German war effort, most of those old timers were in the way and they got mown down in droves.
Much the same, of course, applies, in Zelensky’s Ukrainian Reich, where they are trawling the hospices and old folks’ homes for grand papas and grand mamas to throw into the way of the Russians.
Still, because hope springs eternal and all that, Macron, Sunak and the West’s other jokers are thinking of upping their army numbers to take on Putin, as well as Xi, North Korea, Iran and anyone else who fancies their chances against Macron’s morons.
Though one has to go back to the Children’s Crusades to come across anything so stupid in the annals of military affairs, as Macron and his mates are serious about this, try not to laugh at them.
NATO’s military, like all others, essentially needs two non-mutually exclusive groups of volunteers. The first of these may be epitomised by NFL footballer Pat Tilman, a horse of a man, who gave up a glittering football career to join the Green Berets and be almost immediately executed by some very dubious friendly fire in Afghanistan. The second main type is the computer literate video gamer, who can program drones to help kill Uncle Sam’s many enemies.
The sordid manner of Tilman’s execution did little for recruitment and the computer literate have better things to do than to die for Hunter Biden and his under aged Ukrainian prostitutes. Why, they ask, should they get their heads blown off them in Kiev, while Hunter gets himself blown off in Kentucky?
A good question and one that cannot be fobbed off by recourse to patriotism and crappy John Wayne movies about The Green Berets or Tom Cruise going all born on the 4th of July on us in Top Gun. That propaganda does not work any more.
Take the case of Britain, America’s loyal lapdog. Outside of rural Yorkshire and the West Country, recruitment numbers are through the floor. In cities like Birmingham and London, where there are very significant minority communities, recruiters are wasting their time as the fish ain’t biting, no matter how many stupid ads they show to encourage Muslims to join the ranks.
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