from The Babylon Bee:
PALM BEACH, FL — President-elect Donald Trump officially announced that he plans to impose a 25% tariff on all imports from California into the United States.
While California Governor Gavin Newsom had publicly vowed to resist any attempts by Trump’s administration to force policies promoting freedom on residents of the state, he warned that Trump’s tariff could cripple California’s already debt-ridden economy.
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“Trump, who promised to be a dictator on day one, is going to impose these tariffs as a way to punish the People’s Republic of California,” Newsom said. “We won’t stand for it. I’ve already contacted my good friend Xi Jinping and he’s going to send Trump a strongly worded letter.”
Trump imposed the tariffs in response to looming trade disputes with California. The Golden State exports most of the United States’s avocado oil, tofu turkey burgers, red wine, organic bamboo salt water crackers, and paper clips. Despite the U.S. demand for such goods, Trump pledged to stand firm.
“American products for American patriots!” Trump said in a post to his Truth Social account. “We will not allow the majority of the products we consume here in the United States to be produced over there in that communist hell hole. We also urge the brave people of California to stand up against their oppressive regime and fight for freedom.”
At publishing time, Trump had also announced that he would impose tariffs on Canada, but only for maple syrup because no one really cares about anything else coming out of Canada.
