by Joseph P. Farrell, Giza Death Star:
By now you’ve heard all about the balloon that the Communist Chinese sent flying over the continental (Dis)United (Soviet Socialist and Utterly Woke) States last week, and all the attendant hoopla that accompanied it. Secretary of State Blinken Planken Plunken summed up the snit that the affair caused the Bai-Den Jo misadministration by huffing and puffing and blowing down the upcoming summit. Faux news, SeeBS, and other lamestream propotainment media outlets were outraged that the balloon had not been detected long before, and shot down before it was able to enter the airspace of the continental USSUWSA. The price of circus peanuts surged on the commodities markets.
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The pace of discussion and theories quickly became more and more serious, as some experts weighed in to disclose that the USSUWSA – which has the world’s largest nuclear arsenal in the hands of a banana republic – had not detected the balloon until someone actually saw it; other experts disputed this, producing articles that indicated the Chinese had been sending balloons over the country for a long time, and that the Bai-Den Jo misadministration had known about it all along, but just hadn’t found the time to inform anyone about it, busy as they were stashing classified documents in various family bolt holes around the country and laundering financial gifts from the very same Chinese (the theory that the Chinese were using balloons to drop cash payments in brown manila security envelopes to the Bai-Dens has no evidence to back it up). Other experts wondered how the USSUWSA could put a man on the Moon in the late 1960s and early 1970s, and not shoot down a balloon, while still other experts said that this was precisely the point, and that if the USSUWSA could not shoot down a mere balloon in 2023, how could it have put a man on the Moon in 1969, &c &c.
Much of the discussion turned on what the purpose of sending balloons to this country could be. And much of this discussion mentioned, by way of an historical footnote, that the Japanese had sent balloons to this country at the end of World War Two, that were carrying bombs. The idea was to rain destruction down on the country from the relatively radar-undetectable balloons. As it turned out, they caused only one casualty, and not nearly as much of a fracas as the Chinese balloon, which caused no casualties but did cause a week-long hysteria-fest.
The theories sprouted and bred like rabbits, multiplying exponentially for every one hundred miles it travelled. The consensus appeared to be that the Chinese were spying and gathering information on our nuclear missile sites, and that the balloon was steerable and, like its Japanese forebears from World War Two, difficult to detect. By this time, of course, the Chinese Communist Party had weighed in with an explanation, putting the world on notice that its feathers were officially ruffled, that the balloon was a civilian project, and how dare the USSUWSA shoot it down? The official quickly moved on to the auction of a bridge in Brooklyn. One theory was that the Chinese were gathering data and intelligence on communications and social networks and so on.
Another theory that someone sent me, and my personal favorite – even as the circus peanut features market plummeted after it was shot down, prompting some to call for more Wall Street bailouts – was the theory that this balloon was a test run for balloons designed to carry small nuclear weapons, and that blowing one up at 65,000 feet over the USSUWSA was the ultimate object of the exercise, that would send an EMP to wipe out all that wonderful, new, and utterly worthless central bank digital currency. The Chinese, in short, were sending a clear and unmistakable message.
Every now and then a relatively more rational voice could be heard, emphasizing that the Chinese had more reliable platforms for gathering air-borne intelligence on the USSUWSA’s nuclear missile sites, things like … oh, I don’t know… spy satellites that could take pictures from space and monitor communications, plus a vast network of Chinese restaurants scattered around the country which could support networks of spies and so on and so forth. Fortune cookies could be used to transmit messages via the good old fashioned tactic of a dead drop, and incriminating messages could be disposed of by simply eating them. No balloons needed.
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If by now you’ve gathered that I’m a bit skeptical of all the hysteria that accompanied the balloon, you’d be right (and please note, I’m as skeptical of the CCP’s ruffled feathers as I am of all the “explanations” and indignation coming from the USSUWSA).
