The Phaserl


Epiphany Time

by The Mogambo Guru, Gold Seek:

There are times when I feel pathetically lost and lonely, adrift in a sea of bewildering confusion and unnamed dreads, here in the Mogambo Bunker Of Paranoia And Despair (MBOPAD). Dispirited by the overwhelmingly bad economic outlook everywhere (and bad everything else, too) I languidly look out of the periscope, almost absent-mindedly scanning the perimeter for both real and imagined enemies.

Which is not to mention, of course, watching for family members sneaking up on me, each variously wanting me to give them money, take them somewhere, or (shudder) do something useful.

In such moments, I idly begin to wistfully remember the good old days of blissful naiveté about economics, which is before I found out about the Austrian school of economics, which led me to completely comprehend the unbelievable Keynesian econometric insanity — insanity, I tells ya! — of excessively expanding a fiat currency, especially over an extended time.

And I remember suddenly realizing, with a blood-curdling shriek of transcendental horror, how this — yes, this! – “excess money” thing is going to destroy everything, engendering the famous-yet-pithy phrase We’re Freaking Doomed (WFD).

Oh, naysayers always shouted hurtful things like “Shut up, you idiot Mogambo jerk!” and “Daddy, I can’t hear the TV with you acting loud and weird about the evil Federal Reserve again!”, yet I know this WFD thing for a fact – for a fact! – because big, long-term increases in the money supply has always destroyed every other dirtbag, low-IQ nation in history that ever, ever, EVER tried, or even allowed, such (how shall I delicately phrase this, perhaps with a gratuitous-yet-stupid alliterative twist?) simply stupendously staggering stupidity.

I mean, today we have complete access to the entire corpus of data and historical facts about economics stretching back to the Garden of Eden when a snake loaned Eve an apple, and we have happily dispensing, for free, the eternal wisdom of the Austrian school of economics, and yet we let lowlife Keynesians dictate a monetary policy of constant expansion and outright monetizing of government debt, despite knowing all of this? Are you freaking kidding me?

And then using the newly-created credit to actually buy government debt (monetizing debt)? Are you freaking kidding me?

And now there are an increasing number of anecdotal rumors of central banks creating the money to actually buy equities and commercial debt to keep stock markets up? What the #*! &%?

At the risk of repeating myself, again I ask, but with a more strident, hysterical undertone of soul-searing trauma to my prolonged, pitiful wail of dismay, “ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?”

The good news? The only way this can be good news is that, I admit, I was wrong when I once foolishly anticipated that we would be destroyed by huge radioactive dinosaurs that angrily shoot laser beams (zzzzt!) out of their eyes and rockets (whoosh!) that shoot out of their mouths. Probably with Tokyo the first to go. You heard it here first, in case it actually does happen.

But mostly I think back to my mortal terror and complete overreaction to even the teensiest, weensiest increases in the money supply, because it eventually causes inflation in consumer prices, which is always, always Bad Bad News (BBN).

But in my sloppy, self-pitying solitude here in the top-secret MBOPAD, I have had to time to think, and thus have epiphanies, clearly showing where I made my mistakes about so many things.

So many, many things.

For one thing, and more to the point of this stupid-yet-meandering cry for help, I did not comprehend the sheer, incomprehensible, awesome power of a unfettered fiat currency created literally without any limit whatsoever, especially so with a willing government to encourage it, or even pass legislation that mandates it, and a central bank not only fiendishly creating the excess cash and credit, but using it to buy assets to create scarcity, and thus higher prices!!!!!

I sense a ripple in The Force as Junior Mogambo Rangers (JMRs) around the world, and throughout the cosmos, instantly recognize to their collective horror that the use of five exclamation points as punctuation is a clever Secret Mogambo Code (SMC), used in this case to indicate an overwhelming emphasis.

Or, in keeping with the trend in punctuation, an overwhelming emphasis!!!!!

With such unfettered torrents of cash and credit cascading into the economy vis the evil Federal Reserve creating it willy-nilly and using it to buy stuff, it is but child’s play for them to elevate prices in the housing market, the bond market, the stock market, the incomprehensibly huge derivatives markets, and any other market you can name. All it takes is more cash.

Inflation by any other name…

And, of course, it would again bail out the damned banks, which are theoretically on the hook for all that crushing debt, and simultaneously giving banks the opportunity to loan MORE money to those wishing to cash in on the inflationary bonanza.

And it would bail out all those pension funds that are woefully underfunded as their assets soar in value.

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