by Joe Jarvis, The Daily Bell:
ROME- Inciting riots, making terrorist threats, destruction of property, treason, and impersonating a King are just some of the charges this man faced last week.
When the regional authorities of the Sanhedrin finally had enough of his sedition, agents of Rome moved to arrest the terrorist who has been in the news constantly over the past few years.
Last week the target was located on a tip from follower turned informant Judas Iscariot. Judas became disillusioned with the lies and tricks Jesus pulled and decided to turn Jesus in for the reward for information leading to his arrest.
According to a source within the Roman military ranks, cult members were illegally camped with their leader and became violent as Roman authorities approached. One soldier was attacked by a follower and had his ear severed.
But Jesus of Nazareth was captured, and given a fair trial for his crimes. Prefect Pontius Pilate seemed hesitant to rule Jesus guilty of plotting against the Roman Empire, but acquiesced that he was guilty of other charges brought by regional Jewish leadership.
Jesus was sentenced to death by crucifixion, which was carried out last Friday, along with the executions of two thieves.
“I don’t believe everything Jesus said,” a man who met Jesus but wished to remain anonymous told us, “But he definitely had a unique perspective. I just don’t think he deserved to die though. I mean he may have been a little crazy but that doesn’t mean they should crucify the guy. He seemed pretty peaceful to me.”
Yet Jesus regularly dined with sinners and generally associated with the lowest members of society. Especially concerning was his relationship with a prostitute named Mary Magdalene. The two were often seen together but never married. Jesus even once stopped an adulteress from being stoned to death–the proper punishment according to regional law.
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