The Phaserl


A List of Head-Smackingly Ridiculous News Articles That Should Be Satire But Aren’t

by Daisy Luther, The Organic Prepper:

This week, when you read the news below, it may be difficult not to concuss yourself with all of the head-smack-inducing information that follows. This is a list of articles that seem so ridiculous that they should be satire…but they’re not. The Idiocracy is real.

The Village (Idiots) Are Raising the Children
Remember when you were a little kid and did little kid stuff and someone said they would call the police on you and everyone laughed and laughed and laughed? We all knew that it was a ridiculous bluff because the police don’t respond to silly kid stuff.

The times, they are a’changin’ – and not for the better.

Back in those days, the police didn’t trouble themselves “investigating” childish transgressions or baseless classroom accusations. Back in those days, we could be kids and then learn to work things out on our own after we made someone mad. The stuff we did in those days would get someone arrested today.

No, really.

Last week, the police were summoned to an elementary school in Collingswood, New Jersey because of something that happened at a party, While that may bring to mind the image of a shifty little 3rd grader spiking the punch with a flask of booze, it was nothing of the sort. Apparently, a little boy made a “racist” comment about a brownie. Apparently, the teacher didn’t actually hear the comment and only heard another child yell, “Hey, that’s racist.” So far, no one has any idea with the brownie-commenting boy said, but the police were called to deal with the situation and the boy was sent home in shame. The case has been turned over to the New Jersey Division of Child Protection and Permanency.

Read this article, which speaks of other horrifying “crimes” like hugging a friend and twirling a pencil threateningly.

Meanwhile, in New York City, rich parents are paying hefty tuition – up to $45,850 per year – so that their kids can be brainwashed and psychologically abused – um – I mean a) be praised for being “of color” or b) be shamed for being white. A school administrator has developed a unique way to fight discrimination, “An elite Manhattan school is teaching white students as young as 6 that they’re born racist and should feel guilty benefiting from “white privilege,” while heaping praise and cupcakes on their black peers.”

This will absolutely work, because, you know, giving privileges to one group while making the other group feel like dog poo has always ended up with everyone hugging and being equal and not disliking someone else based on the color of their skin.

(This whole “It Takes a Village to Raise a Child” nonsense was started by none other than presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton, FYI.)

Gun Wars
Every time something bad happens with a gun, the Gun Wars crank up again. While pro-gun folks are perfectly content to own their firearms and not force anti-gun folks to own firearms, it seems that the anti-gun folks want everything their way. They don’t want guns and they don’t want you to have guns either.

One legislator took it a step further in a nearly incoherent rant during which he called gun owners and NRA members names like dirty, filthy, and crazy, accused us of being “supporters of terror,” and called for bars of soap for a good mouth-washing. You can watch the unbelievably unprofessional attack on an NRA representative who addressed the state congress HERE. (And you can also marvel at how on earth someone who has such exceptionally poor elocution skills managed to become an elected official. I guess it’s true. In America, you really can become anything you want – and you don’t even need to be qualified!)

The exception to this is the members of Congress who feel that only they should have guns and the rest of us should wait for 911. 26 of the Democrats who sat on the floor, toddler-style, during the gun control sit-in, actually own guns themselves. Hypocrisy much? As my good friend quoted from George Orwell’s pig, “All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.” (source)

Presidential Nominee Investigated for Espionage
When you leave out any names, how utterly ridiculous does that headline sound? Why is it somehow less ridiculous to Democrats when Hillary Clinton’s name is in there? I’ve long seen distinct problems with the critical thinking skills of many Americans, but this takes the cake.

This weekend, the FBI will be questioning Hillary Clinton about the email scandal when she was serving as Secretary of State. Quick refresher on the duties of the Secretary of State:

Serves as the President’s principal adviser on U.S. foreign policy;
Conducts negotiations relating to U.S. foreign affairs;
Grants and issues passports to American citizens and exequaturs to foreign consuls in the United States;
Advises the President on the appointment of U.S. ambassadors, ministers, consuls, and other diplomatic representatives;
Advises the President regarding the acceptance, recall, and dismissal of the representatives of foreign governments;
Personally participates in or directs U.S. representatives to international conferences, organizations, and agencies;
Negotiates, interprets, and terminates treaties and agreements;
Ensures the protection of the U.S. Government to American citizens, property, and interests in foreign countries;
Supervises the administration of U.S. immigration laws abroad;
Provides information to American citizens regarding the political, economic, social, cultural, and humanitarian conditions in foreign countries;
Informs the Congress and American citizens on the conduct of U.S. foreign relations;
Promotes beneficial economic intercourse between the United States and other countries;
Administers the Department of State;
Supervises the Foreign Service of the United States.

That’s a lot of high-powered secret stuff right there, with great potential for lining one’s own pockets at the expense of one’s own country.

At least 2079 emails Clinton sent or received on her unsecured home email server contained classified material. Initially, Clinton denied that this occurred, but (to quote the Maury Povich Show) that was a lie. She was asked to turn over these emails but said she couldn’t access them. That was a lie, too. According to a report on, Clinton could be guilty of espionage.

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