The Phaserl


The Trump Doctrine

from Washington’s Blog:

Here’s a condensed version of Donald Trump’s recent speech that I’m considering offering on gold-ish plating for $19.98:

Nationalism, World War II mythology, and militarism must go unquestioned. But when they’ve been used in the past 25 years the results have been disastrous. We’re all ready now to admit that Iraq was a horror, and we can do that more comfortably by lumping it with the horrors of Libya and Syria, and by pretending that people in our government meant well. But U.S. militarism created ISIS.


Here’s how we fix this. First, pretend that the most expensive military in the history of the world has been skimping and struggling, and blame that on the economy, rather than recognizing that the economy is staggering under the weight of the military machine. I’ll fix the economy using magic, and that will fix the military.

Second, while I haven’t explained how more or different spending could have transformed disastrous wars into successes, let’s have future wars more heavily paid for by others. But I’m not really threatening to close bases or end NATO, because I’m all talk. In fact, let’s just fuel a global arms race by requiring other countries to buy more weapons. That U.S. weapons are already the top supplier to so-called friend and foe alike, including ISIS, shouldn’t worry you, because at least you won’t have to hear that phony humanitarian in the White House calling ISIS “ISIL” anymore, and because I’m planning to use magic.

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