The Naughty 3rd Wheel
from The Wealth Watchman:
Have you ever had a 3rd wheel along on a date? Fun times!
I mean, there’s balance, there’s harmony, everyone feels wanted and loved, and everyone has the best time they could possibly have under the circumstances! It’s good, clean fun for all!
Nobody likes a 3rd Wheel!
Truth is we’ve probably all known that one person who just couldn’t take a hint, that one guy or gal, who, after all our countless clues stating that we’d like to be alone with our significant other, is still so obtuse, so unaware, that they just insist on coming along no matter how many tactful means we employ to communicate their genuine unwanted’ness!
Many 3rd wheels aren’t bad folks though. Most of them are either simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, or just gloriously oblivious.
But what about when the conversation goes like this:
3rd Wheel: Hey guuurl! Whatcha up to!?
Gurl: Oh, hey Wheel! Just headin’ downtown for a dinner and movie night, ya know? Just me and muh boo!
Boo: Yeah, “Revenge of the Arizona Axeman” is already sold out, good thing I got tickets early! You just won’t be able to get a seat by this time.
3rd Wheel: Oh, cool!………Can I come?
Boo: Really? I mean, didn’t you just hear me? They’re sold out, Wheel! Besides, me and my hunnie have been waiting all week to spend some alone time together. Be a brah, take one for the team!
Gurl: Yeah, we don’t get to see much of each other anymore, but my man would love to go see it with you another time.
Boo: Of course I would! How does Tuesday sound? Would you like to catch it with me Tuesday?
3rd Wheel:….Listen, I get whatcha sayin’ and all, and I respect it, ok? But, lemme run this by you: if you don’t take me along on this date with you, I’ll show up at the theater, and slash your tires. That’s all.
3rd Wheel: Yeah, ya know, if you don’t take me with you on your hawt date, I’ll slash your man’s tires.
Boo: Dude, that’s not cool! Don’t even joke around like that!
3rd Wheel: Ohhh hey, that’s nothin’! Alright? When you finally get that sweet car towed off, and those tires replaced, you’ll get to come home to a charred, burned down house, too. Crisp’aaaay!
Gurl: What is wrong with you?!
3rd Wheel: Wrong with me? Nothin’, ya know? I’m just statin’, it’s all totally your choice, and I’ll respect whatever choice you make, however, if you do choose to go it alone without me, I might just hafta cut ya. Know what I’m sayin?
Boo: You’ll have to…..
3rd Wheel: With this switchblade here, pretty kickin’, right?
Boo: You’re off your meds man! And this is illegal!
3rd Wheel: Come now, you’re making this way more unpleasant than it has to be, friend! I just wanna go along with you, wherever you go, whatever you do, whatever transaction you make, I just wanna be a part of it. And you can say “no” whenever you wish, and I can pour salt in your gas tank whenever I wish. So whaddaya say we all get outta here? The movie’s about to start!
Boo: You ok with this, darlin’?
Gurl: Boo, he’s got a knife! Let’s just get this evening over with, and don’t do anything to hack this guy off!
3rd Wheel: Oh! And by the way, your gurl sits in the back…I call shotgun! Now let’s have some serious fun!
Well, that’s because… it is!
The whole arrangement is a crudely absurd and dangerous situation. Wouldn’t you just get through it as best you can for the next few hours….and immediately call the authorities right after Mr. Wheel left for home?
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